Update and Apology

I must apologize – I’ve been neglecting my blog lately, something I promised to myself that I wouldn’t do. This is meant to be an update of sorts, and a promise to you.

So I’m sitting here in my new office, with my window wide open, looking out over the south end. A couple of residents are sitting on their rooftop patios reading, with their dogs sitting patiently next to them. Many thoughts are going through my mind. I’m thinking about my new Board of Directors, about Bob’s presentation that he’s doing soon, about sales, our new employees, about cash flow, about company morale and culture, about my own morale, and how strange it feels to not wake up on the edge of a cliff every morning.

Last night we attended a friend’s graduation party. She just graduated from Harvard and they had a nice BBQ with friends and family, in Teele Square. It was a nice time. I got to talking with her father about business, entrepreneurship and so forth. Turns out he had a big hand in revitalizing the Midwest during the rust belt era. Interesting guy. I told him how ever since we got funded how I’ve felt like I needed to clear my head and press my reset button and how it’s been a bit of a struggle. As someone who, through the government, seeded the entrepreneurial communities of the Midwest in the 70s and 80s, he had some wisdom for me. He reminded me of the importance of taking care of yourself – finding those things in your personal life that make you feel whole and not depending on your business to do that for you. It was an interesting discussion and it really opened my eyes. I continue to work hard, work my butt off, but I can’t help but feel like I’m still not doing enough – like I’m not working hard enough. I’m almost wondering where the pain is. It was almost 2 years that we felt pain and pressure and now that it’s gone, I almost feel like an abused dog that is no longer with an abusive family – confused, disoriented. I’m slowly coming out of it though too, out of the dizzy-spell. I’m starting to zero in on new and fresh priorities. I’m also starting to really enjoy actually running a company, not just a business. That’s probably one of the biggest changes for me – switching gears from running a tiny little business to running a company and having to manage it. Since winding Atomic down, I forgot what it was like to run a company, with employees, and with initiatives and a mission. I pretended, but I also forgot. Now it’s coming back to me. This is fun stuff. But it’s also not what life is about. It’s not the be-all-end-all of life. I must remind myself to take care of myself, to enjoy what I do and to take it seriously, but also to value my time away from the desk, from the laptop, from the BlackBerry. I must remember to sit on my own patio, read a book, hang out and just enjoy – well just enjoy.

Anyway, a bit of a ramble there, but hopefully that gives you a little insight into my lack of blogging lately – it’s been a period of transition and, like a typical guy I suppose, I keep it inside – I don’t express it – I try to work it out on my own (a little Dr. Ruth, or Dr. Phil, or Dr. Melphi for ya). But what I realized the other day was that by not blogging, I’m not staying true to myself or to my personal and professional mission, as it pertains Citysquares. I want to be transparent, honest, candid, and I think I’ve done so historically, but lately I haven’t. So, my apologies to you all.

I hereby promise that I will continue to honor that commitment to you all and to myself. This blog is not just about business, but its about people, about community. It’s about community outside the walls of my office, in the Ethernet and fiber and hard drives of the Internet, and about the community within the walls of Citysquares. This blog is about me, as your host and entrepreneur, and CEO in training. This blog is about grit, determination, honesty, hard work, passion, foolishness, and optimism. It’s about perseverance, guts, openness. I must honor that.

No more blog lag. (Like that? I just made it up. You can use that if you want.)